No, I’m not ok. But I haven’t been ok since I was 11, maybe 12. I am still here though.
I’m still breathing. For me, sometimes, that will have to be enough.
Those damn eyes
I’m still depressed, but how depressed I am varies, which is good. Much of the time, it’s a comfortable numbness that just makes things feel muted. Other times, I’m standing in the shower or something and I can feel the nothingness hurtling toward me at eight thousand miles per hour and there’s nothing I can really do aside from let it happen and wait until it goes away again.
Sometimes, I feel like ripping apart my skin and searching for a reason for why I feel this empty.
Maybe my veins are tangled, or something is lodged in my ribcage. Because it feels like something inside of me is missing or broken.
You know what the scariest thing about loving someone is?
The fact they could just be lying the whole time about how they feel. Its just their words against the feelings flowing thru ur body. And one day they could just decide that they’re tired of lying,an they leave you empty and cold and they’ll take your heart with them and never look back.
I want to be the one who makes your heart beat faster. I want to be the one who makes you short of breath. I want to raise your blood pressure to dangerous levels. I want to be salt.
I talk to my friends and just laugh and am completely insane. Reality I feel like crying every second of the day lol.